Oxidising Agents and Reducing Agents

OK, you have two chemicals, one is being oxidisied (losing electrons) and the other is being reduced (gaining electrons). Both must be happening at the same time. Otherwise where are the electrons going? If you want an analogy, there is no thief that has no victim and no victim of theft without a thief.

So, the species being reduced is always being an oxidising agent (it is causing the other thing to be oxidised) and the species being oxidised is always being a reducing agent (it is causing the other thing to be reduced), No exceptions. 

Does it matter whose fault it is? Does it matter that one species really wanted to gain an electron while the other was fairly ambivalent whether it lost one or not? Conversely, does it matter that one species really wanted to give one away and the other species that happened to be passing was just a willing recipient?

Quite frankly, no. It doesn't matter whether it really wants to or no, the species that loses the electron, causes the other to gain so is a reducing agent and the species that gains the electron caused the other one to lose an electron so is an oxidising agent.

There is no blame game where it comes to redox they are all agents.